im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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