guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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