My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
