it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
