Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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