So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
