It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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