K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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