Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
smell my finger.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
