i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
