im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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