chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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