You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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