Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
