I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
