If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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