like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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