Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
