i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
try to milk me bitch
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