He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
