A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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