I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
