You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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