Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
