never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
