never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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