Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I faked an abortion last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
