My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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