we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am one with the molecules
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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