LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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