THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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