This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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