I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
