I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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