a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
