if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
