There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
