genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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