I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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