Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
