You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
