I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
