No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
