I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
