Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's never too late to be topless.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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