you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
