I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
