Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
