so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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