I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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