Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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