i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
