who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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